Valentine's Day

Popping down to the shops at lunchtime, I just love seeing blokes in lands of the undiscovered.

Jewellers, florists, clothes shops specialising in underwear which simply won't keep a Winter chill away.

It has to be Valentine's Day. Of course it does.
It is hilarious seeing chaps shuffling from side to side whilst trying not to catch the assistant's eye.
Don't talk to me. I don't even want to be here. Just pay and go. Pay and go.

It's great seeing blokes buying jewellery. As long as it shines, it'll do. Assistant speaks of carats and purity and chappy's eye's glint away. That'll be the glint of a person staring into deep space whilst thinking 'what the f*** are you on about?'

The underwear section of M&S must be a great sight. You can just imagine it. Blokes taking ages to dare and cross the threshold off the aisle and into a sea of lycra and silk. Tunnel vision is a great thing in these circumstances. Act like a birs of prey, focus on one item, don't care what. Walk quickly in the straightest line to the kill, pull it off the hanger and make for the till. You've already clocked your escape route, so this requires no decision making. At the till, stare at the chip and pin reader and definitely make no eye contact with the assistant. Your mind is so focused on getting out of M&S that you can't even hear the sniggering of customers who can see you are SO out of place here.