Wednesday, 31 May 2006

modern dilemma's no 2

I like a bit of chopped pork and ham once in a while, but over the past few months, I've been inundated with spam from Nigeria.

Of course, the email variety. Why specifically Nigeria? Is viagra not popular anymore?

Demolish that building

At last, they've started demolition work on that flippin' 'orrible building at the roundabout just south of Westminster Bridge. About time too.

I'd like to nominate another gem from RIVIA (the Royal Institute of Visually Inept Architects). It's a block of flats on the Battersea Park Road / Prince of Wales Drive junction. However, this building is brand new. It's a horrible looking lump by anyone's standards. In fact, I'd go as far as to describe it as a CARBUNCLE.

I'll send my man from Magnum to document. More later.

Monday, 29 May 2006

satellite tv part deux

Dear Overoften,

What puzzles me is the affordability of satellite tv. It's quite expensive, over £40 a month plus the cost of the hardware (up to £300). Given that coucil flats and houses are supposed to be there to house the poorer members of our society, satellite tv is a very unnecessary luxury. Even so, sides of council blocks are covered with satellite dishes.

Maybe I'm mis-reading it. Maybe the dishes are all actually linked like a gigantic radio telescope scanning the outer galaxies for intelligent life-forms. A sort of Jodrell Bank for Peckham. (I won't crack a cheap gag re. intelligent life-forms & Peckham).

Thursday, 25 May 2006

Modern dilemmas no.1

Dear Doctor,

I've never understood how people in council flats (who therefore must be quite poor), are able to afford to satellite television.

mobile phone addiction

Bird flu is so last month.

I just don't understand the modern disease of addictive compulsive mobile phoning.

Are people so interesting now that they have to share their musings whenever they're not eating, shopping or sleeping? Come to think of it, eating and talking isn't so rare.

I don't mind people chatting on their cells on the train. It can be quite amusing to listen in to their conversations. On one morning commute in to London, a woman was having a blazing row and using very colourful language; I actually felt embarassed for her.

Driving and using a cell is clearly not a good mix, especially for bus drivers. Seen that lots of times.

This morning, a woman was out to prove that females can multi-task. Driving a car, talking on a phone, and eating AT THE SAME TIME. Maybe add 'kill a cyclist' to that list to make yourself the ultimate multi-tasker, dear.

Recently, I went to Brussels. Something I noticed was that people have the ability to walk along a street (or drive), without the need to use a mobile phone.

Thursday, 18 May 2006

We wuz robbed again

Considering Woolwich Arsenal played wiv ten men, they did good.

Monday, 15 May 2006

Stories like this are just too good to ignore

Two lovely stories which just made me chuckle and think that it's all for the best blah blah blah......

The story of mistaken identity at the BBC. Not as scary as Roger Thornhill being mistaken for George Kaplan in North By Northwest, but a darned sight funnier. You've got to watch the video clip and see sheer terror on the poor bloke's face. Classic

And how about some toilet humour.

We wuz robbed

It's Monday and I've only just got my breath back from watching the amazing FA Cup Final on Saturday.


If Gerrard scores like that in the World Cup, we'll be celebrating in fine style.

Saturday, 13 May 2006

Good luck to West Ham

This one's for me ol' mate Arun.

Come on you 'ammaz!!!!

Thursday, 11 May 2006

Crossrail for Woolwich

Fancy getting to the West End quicker than a motorbike courier? Not possible? Well, show some support to the Woolwich Crossrail campaign and one day, you might just be able to.

And for those who don't give a damn about public transport, think about your property value if Woolwich gets Crossrail.

Thought that might interest you.

Cleaning up the streets of Plumsteadshire

Hurrah for the local constabulary.

They've come and cleared the pikey illegally sold cars from Plumstead Common today. It is a breathe of fresh air and for once, I feel that my council tax has been put to good use.

Now let's see how many hours it takes for that greasy gang to bring their junk back to the Common (look at this picture. Is that a flying pig in the sky? No, there really are NO dodgy cars).

I've spoken with neighbours about these greasy tax dodgers who sell their cars and we're all totally fed up with it.

1) Fed up with their presence across the Common. They leer at the good people of the parish as if they owned the place. Pay some f***ing tax and you might say that you own a few blades of grass.

2) Fed up with the dodgy cars and vans that slow down and even STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD to look at the latest deals (see picture below. The wheels on that jeep aren't turning. It's evening rush hour and yes, he's double parked so he can get out and look at some dodgy motors).

3) Fed up with the traffic tail-backs caused by the above.

4) Fed up with revving engines at all hours of the day, even Sunday morning. These greasy pigs clearly aren't of Christian faith.

5) Fed up with the clapped out dodgy goods taking up ALL the parking space so residents have to park elsewhere.

6) Fed up of dodgy greasy scumbags making a buck on the black market without contributing to this community.

7) Fed up with the council and the authorities doing little about the scourge of black market illegal trading. I know all that about lack of resources blah blah blah. I pay well over a thousand pounds in council tax a year and aside from getting my bins emptied, I'd like a little more for my hard earned cash.

These cars are probably low priority for Greenwich Council, trading standards and the Met Police, but does that mean we should be forgotten about because these things don't win votes?

Tuesday, 9 May 2006

Trapped in a box

Isn't it an amazing feat how you can be imprisoned in a box, with no food or communication for days and days whilst the World watches and waits. Then eventually you are released and we are happy for that.

Then the miners are still able to crack a joke.

On the other hand, David Blaine......

Sunday, 7 May 2006

The Sultan's Elephant

London was completely mesmerised for four days this week; most fortuitous for Labour & Blair - a good day to bury bad news?

The Sultan's Elephant, an incredible theatrical experience has won the hearts of Londoners and presented theatre art to the masses. Royal de Luxe, the French company who have devised this show have brought pure enchanted magic to this great city.

I've heard lots about the event over the past couple of days and today, managed to get up to Central London. To describe my first sighting of the elephant as 'jaw-dropping' is an understatement. Looking over thousands upon thousands of heads, the elephant was way down in the distance along Piccadilly. Even at this distance, it looked huge. The crowds were awe-struck and whenever the elephant squirted water at them, there was a great cheer. Boy oh boy, the atmosphere was sheer happiness and everyone felt 5 years old again.

Further along the parade, the giant girl was walking up and down The Mall. Seeing the operators working these giant marionettes took none of the magic away. It was part Victorian puppetry, part oversized bunraku and 100% magic.

In this age of cynicism, some people probably questioned,
"what's the point of all this?"
"what a waste of money"
Everywhere I looked, I saw joy on people's faces. At the simplest level, this event made us all very happy and we all rediscovered the magic of childhood and importance of imagination. I think that's a pretty darned big point of all this.

Saturday, 6 May 2006

A warning to Mr Blair

Well, election time over and Labour have seen a barrage of shots across their bows. Here's hoping that they might wake up to the thought that us tax payers aren't happy bunnies at the moment.

Here's a novel idea - as we're paying an incredible level of tax, how about giving a service in return? No, I know it doesn't work like that. Actually, it doesn't work. Period. In which case, if I get nothing in return for my thousands of pounds, can't I opt out of paying into this extortion racket, I mean, taxation?

No. Didn't think so.

Maybe I'll start a bonfire and burn next year's wad of thousands of pounds. A pointless exercise maybe, but I'll have the satisfaction that I'm not lining the pockets of our public servants.

Something that is REALLY worth sitting up and taking note of is the French theatrical event in Central London. How can any Londoner not have heard of the rocket that had crashed into the street? Or that there's an 11 metre high elephant roaming around town.

Well, especially for my readers in faraway lands such as Japan, Poland and Dagenham, here are a couple of photos I've 'borrowed' from the interweb.

Thursday, 4 May 2006

Vote now!

No excuses. Get down to the polling stations today.