Asian Mela

I popped over to the Asian Mela this afternoon. It was a gross disappointment of the highest order. I guess this must be due to the nasty weather.

However, something did catch my eye; it was the only stall/attraction where anyone had bothered to stop at.

It was a spectacle so bad that my toes were curling. You can't even say that it was so bad, it was good. No sirree. It was so bad, it was abysmal.

It was the wrestling. I apologise for not knowing what Asian Mela is or what it celebrates, but I don't actually understand the link between phony play fighting and an Asian cultural event. Maybe wrestling is an age old metaphor for good versus evil and a display of religious enlightenment. Or is it just that the organisers were desperate to fill a plot in the middle of the Common?

Either way, it was like driving past a car crash. You really shouldn't look because it's so terrible, but you just can't help it. [I've always loved the term car crash television. It's completely accurate].

I'm sure wrestling is completely staged and has that kitsch quality about it, but it's kind of fun in a violent and Neanderthal way. I cringed at the way the wrestlers were thrown across the ring. Instead of bouncing off the ropes and hurtling back with a double salko ending with a pile drive, they teetered across the ring like they were in stilletos, threw themselves against the ropes and danced back to belly flop the enemy.

I wandered off in disbelief and pretended to be interested in Saris and sweetmeats. I walked in a complete circle and had the misfortune to pass by the wrestling event again. This time, I saw a man in the ring holding up a horse brass. Silly me, it was a wrestling champion holding aloft a belt with gold plastic panels stuck on. He lacked menace. Then sure as day follows night, a girl from the audience berates him. We are lead to believe she's an ordinary punter, until she removes all her clothes (not quite, but caught your attention), and gives him a real pasting. Acting classes dear? This bunch sure as hell haven't been to RADA.