Blue. Yellow.

There's something quite queer going on along the parade of estate agents on Plumstead Common Road. The blue and yellow theme seems to be taking over.

Is this some kind of ruse by the Swedish Intelligence Bureau? Are our Nordic cousins buying up The Shire in readiness for an IKEA take-over? We've all heard how Tesco buy up properties & land for their global gain. Is this the home furnishings equivalent?

Robinson Jackson? The jig is up.

Computer Repairs? I should co-co.

Global Development & Business Services? Your name says it all.

Such is the power of the blue/yellow combo that those who have not complied have been 'OUSTED'. Dear old SJ's Lounge didn't stand a chance with their retro black, silver and red brand identity.

Plumstead Live!

Apparently, there's a live event coming our way in the guise of Plumstead Live! Music Festival. I've held back from mentioning this so far as I'm seeking confirmation that this is a genuine event.

If it's kosher then we should all get really excited about it. There's mention of :-

Plumstead Sinfonia - never knew there was one

Plumstead Manor Musicians - these are real human beings and they definitely exist

The Bill Mudge Quintet - Google (and other well known search engines), confirm that BMQ are real, but I couldn't find Plumstead Live! on their tour schedule.

So, is this a red herring? Maybe Greenwich Council smoke and mirrors to 'bury bad news'?

Is such an event too good to be true? Gadzooks!!!! I hope not.

La Plumsteadshire Biennale

Lorks a lordy. The Shire is slowly becoming the hub of entertainment.

Tonight is the latest One Day Café event. Die Plumsteadshire Festspielhaus (better known as The Pavilion, better known as the rugby club building opposite The Old Mill pub), is hosting a free evening of music and stuff. Doors open at 7pm on the dot.

This Saturday night is the next Comedy On The Common event. As I've reported on many occasions, the Comedy On The Common nights make for a brilliant evening out and it's right here (wouldn't mean much to my lovely listeners in Caracas though).

And to close the 09 Plumsteadshire Biennale we have another Comedy On The Common event. It's the evening of Sunday 26th April at Die Plumsteadshire Festspielhaus.

Phew.

I hear a saw

The 'Shameless' household have been relatively quiet. Maybe it's because I popped round and spoke to them. Maybe my other neighbours have said things to them. I know I'm not the only one to have spoken out.

Last week, they were sawing away one evening. It got darker. Still sawing. It was night. Still sawing.....

....the macabre side of my brain was really hoping to hear a sudden yelp and see the Shameless carrying a severed leg into the house. The compassionate side was hoping just to see a foot.

Something WAS afoot.

"What's he building in there?" I asked myself.

I thought of the eerie Tom Waits song.

It was night-time and he was still sawing and hammering. What's he building in there?

Barking mad 1

I could just about tolerate noises of the boys next door running around the house past 11pm. Completely unacceptable really but I tell myself that at least it doesn't happen on a school night, just to make myself feel better. (God knows what it's going to be like in the school holidays).

I could just about tolerate God knows whatever music they're playing. Acceptable really, but I'd rather be able to rest in the garden without the awful racket.

I could just about tolerate the Staffs barking. Completely unacceptable as it would be for hours and hours on end, but they were in the house and thus I was afforded a little sound baffling.

Now the dogs are left out in the garden and bark all day long. Toddler Pangloss couldn't have his afternoon nap because of it. We couldn't leave our windows open because of it. This lasted from midday until 9pm. As far as I'm concerned it's not the dog's fault; they just want to be with people.

Having come home from work, I went round and spoke to one of the Staff neighbours who was very apologetic and said they'll see to it.... You know when you speak to someone, they reply but you can see in their eyes that there is no meaning behind their words. Well, we'll see if the dogs bark for another 9 hour stint tomorrow.

Bring me a shotgun.

Dangerous dogs

I am absolutely not anti-dog, but I am absolutely against irresponsible dog owners - they need muzzling and then some.

One lovely listener has posted their account of a recent horrible dog incident. Read on and please be pro-active.

Anonymous wrote:-
I had an alarming incident on the Common yesterday evening, round 6.30. Two staff/pit bull-terrier-type dogs, medium tan colour, where off leads near the pond. They came bounding up the steps toward me and my small fluffy dog. The dogs' owners were no where to be seen. I was lucky enough to be able to ward the dogs off with a strong "NO" while at the same time picking up my small fluffy friend and racing up the stairs to get away. I had terrible fears of the two dogs attacking me from behind, which happened only a few months ago to a local resident at the top of Roydene Road.

TO ALL IRRESPONSIBLE DOG OWNERS!
You MUST be in control of your dogs, at ALL times, especially if your dog is classified as "dangerous". (pit bulls and pit bull crosses are dangerous and ILLEGAL - why are they still around everywhere!?)

For those out there who have had or are having threatening experiences with dangerous dogs and irresponsible dog owners.. PLEASE be sure to REPORT this to the Safer Neighbourhood Team (SNT): 020 8721 2638 or 07920 0233825
If you don't get answer, leave a message with details of incident. If it is an emergency situation, of course the police are the first port of call.

I just had a long and heartening conversation with the SNT, who took my report of the above incident very seriously and in a lot of detail. The only way they, the dog warden and/or the police can do anything about this problem is if people report such incidents. It is also useful to try to provide any possible information regarding the dog owner(s), including where they might live. This assists the SNT and their colleagues in actually following up and doing something about the problem.

Plumstead Common is a beautiful place, but unfortunately some unpleasant and irresponsible people have the capacity to ruin things for the rest of us. Please help make things better for everyone by being a RESPONSIBLE DOG OWNER and also REPORTING those who are not.

Thanks for listening.

Dear Anonymous, thanks for this account and useful phone numbers. I hope you and your dog are OK. And before we get the ooh-Plumstead-is-such-a-hell-hole comments, stories like this crop up all over the country.

Comedy.... yee ha

How could I forget? It's Comedy On The Common night tomorrow. For those not in the know, it's top notch live comedy at the Pavilion, just opposite The Old Mill pub on Plumstead Common. Doors open at 7pm; if you've forgotten to change your clocks then it's 6pm (I think).

Scourge of society

Before I mark my return with a review of my latest custard tart tasting, I really need some advice.

Not being a dog owner, I'd just like to know what the acceptable time limit is on leaving your beloved pet to bark. The knuckle-draggers who've moved in next door seem quite happy to leave their Staffs to bark for over 4hours. This evening the poor mutts have been barking away for at least 2hours, but as I only arrived back home two hours ago, it could've been all day. The dog must be hoarse by now.

I thought the neighbours must be out drinking White Lightning at The Ship, but the soap-dodgers are actually in, although choosing to ignore the dogs.

On the subject of the biggest mistake in the history of Plumstead Common AKA The Ship, given that this is a conservation area, are there no rules as to how many adverts you can put up on the building exterior? Cheap beer and satellite sports. Errr, yeh mate I fink I get der message. The Ship is so tasteless it makes me physically sick.

In some ways, this would be so much more preferable.

On a wing and a prayer

I notice that a travel agent is opening up shop along Plumstead Common Road. My spies also tell me that it is a Christian travel agent; I've never heard of those before. I don't know what sets it apart from a secular travel agent. Will they not book flights for atheists?

I get the concept of Christian bookshops but may have to pop into the travel agent and see how they differ from Thomas Cook or Wellers.

Museum of London Docklands

Toddler Pangloss and I went on a jaunt today. Rucksacks packed, galoshes on, Kendal Mint Cake in pockets and walking sticks at hand. We yomped down to Woolwich - oh what a day out that would be. Not on your nellie. We took the DLR train from Woolwich Arsenal to West India Quay to visit the Museum of London Docklands.

I'd rarely visited the Isle of Dogs which is plain silly as it is so close and I am actually fascinated by the whole development. In the late eighties, I visited the Design Museum at Shad Thames and had to travel back to Greater East London. My journey involved what was the new Docklands Light Railway which, at the time, seemed pointless and bleak as it travelled through an endless landscape of rubble. It does seem amazing that this mini Manhattan has grown so quickly.

Anyway, this museum was recommended to me by another local parent - let's just call him Jason Bourne for now. Bourne's intel hasn't let me down yet and I had to check this place out. I loved it. I never thought I'd enjoy an exhibition about the history of the Isle of Dogs but the museum is so well designed and professional that I'm hooked. Modern museums have a tendency to go all-out interactive, but the MoLD is fairly restrained on this part and all the better for it as I think interactives can dumb-down learning to suit the Playstation generation. The museum has incorporated a couple of small mock-Victorian streets, which are really well designed and very atmospheric. This reminds me; I must visit Dickens World this year.

Toddler Pangloss seemed to enjoy himself too. There are lots of models to look at and it was an exciting task for me to answer the barrage of "what's that?" questions.

It only cost me £5.00 to go into the museum, but it gets better as this £5.00 ticket lasts for a whole year!!!!!! So I can visit as many times as I want in the next twelve months. Incredible value. I really do urge everyone to visit the MoLD, whether you love history, looking at amazing models or fancy pretending to be a Victorian street urchin (well, takes all sorts).

Been busy

My hands have been very full over the past couple of weeks and I've had so much to blog about too. Here are the subjects I'd like to have covered if I had the time:-

• parenthood - the gift that keeps on giving
• home births - it really is the best option
• comedy - because of the above, I'm gutted that I'm missing out
• snow - how Plumsteadshire looked like a happy version of a Bruegel
• ice - how to walk on it without looking like a total berk
• Elvis - he rocks in The Shire
• chavs - why keep all your house windows wide open when it's freezing cold outside (and 1,000 other things I don't understand about them)

Woolwich Co Op petition

Reading the excellent 853 blog, I see they have flagged up a petition to save the lovely art deco Co Op building in Woolwich-on-Thames (given time the estate agents will latch on to it).

I don't know the effectiveness of these petitions, but it's worth a try. It really is a key piece of architecture in W-O-T, but hmmmm...... money talks and the developers could pass a few pound notes under a board room table at Greenwich Council and next thing we know, a bull-dozer is on site. Over the years I have become so very cynical of Greenwich Council.

On a different line of rant, the wonderful and tireless Plumstead Common Environment Group have been bashing their heads against brick walls over Greenwich Council's farcical refuse collection service. More on this when I get time.

New discoveries

Surfing around last night, I came across a couple of websites I particularly liked.

First up is Lumilyon, an artist who works in the realms of magic realism, objet trouvé, digital art. Lumilyon's work is incredibly evocative, so much so you can almost smell it (I mean that in a nice way of course).

Secondly, and in a very different vein, is Kipkay. This is one super-geek who makes essentially really dangerous things and loves playing pranks. He is basically a schoolboy at heart, messing around in science class refusing to grow up. He harks from the fabulous past before the phrase 'health and safety' was invented. As I lack scientific prowess, I wouldn't like to try these inventions as I'll probably blow the shed up.

Elvis lives!

Lots of important things to write about:-

1) Opening of the Woolwich Arsenal DLR and my sources tell me that mayor BoJo has cut the ribbon today.

2) Many fine comedians coming to The Shire.

3) Chavs......eeeeeuuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwwwww no.

No, hot topic is that the one and only Elvis Presley is coming to Spice Island on Wednesday 21st January. Curry AND Elvis the pelvis, now that IS hot.

DLR in Woolwich

The word on the streets is that the Docklands Light Railway (you know that funny train that doesn't have a driver), is starting its' service from Woolwich Arsenal THIS SATURDAY. Form an orderly queue please.

Canning Town here I come!!!!

Comedy On The Common dot com

Our dear old Comedy On The Common now has a gleaming, brand spanking new website. Check it out for further comedy nights and more.

At a loose end on Sunday 25th January? Well why not enjoy a night of belly laughs at Comedy On The Common.

Got a whole lot of stuff to show on t'internet? Need to promote your good self? Want a website designed? Of course you do. WEEG will do it.

When will chavs become extinct?

I'm feeling really sorry for myself. You see I've lived with some nice neighbours and we get along well.

Last weekend a whole gang of chavs moved into the house next door. I'll hold back on being judgemental and see how things pan out as under their track-suited exteriors, they may be gentle and kind hearted.

Four days on and I'm already losing patience. The children have been running around until 11.30pm, they've got televisions playing in most rooms and seem not to have off switches. Whilst in my garden, one little oik climbed onto a flat roof and shouted "Oi!" to/at me. Really nice. Of course, the obligatory dogs; they're kept in a cage upstairs and bark and whine for hours on end - I would feel a whole lot better if these children were bundled in with them.

I really did want to go round, say hello and welcome them to our little corner of The Shire, but I just don't see the point. Is there any point?

Already I'm dreading Summer as I envisage garden raves and loud music long into the early hours. Oh what joy, it'll be like living in a Mike Leigh film.

Having nice neighbours is so bleedin' under-rated.

Any advice gratefully received.

Woolwich DLR opening soon

Oh boy, I am really excited about the DLR arriving at Woolwich Arsenal. Apparently, it'll be opening this month. I wouldn't mind booking a flight from London City Airport to Milan, just because I can and the journey would be so ridiculously easy.

Where else shall I go to? 

Let's see...... how about the Thames Barrier Park with its' contemporary planting and modern architecture tea house?

I'm keeping an eye on an exciting proposal for an eco visitor attraction called Biota! It's planned for Silvertown but I don't know if it's a

concept or actually being built. The architect's visuals look pretty stunning though. I'll have to find out more.

So the DLR is a bit more than a commuter's dream to get to Bank. I'm going to live my dream and sit at the very front and pretend I'm driving the driving the train.

Brilliant.

Oh yes how could I forget?

Bikes in bus lanes

Soon (like really, really soon), motorbikes will be allowed to use bus lanes.

Transport for London will be starting an 18month trial on 5th January 2009 and it seems to open up a lot of bus lanes to us. About time too. The vast majority of my commute into London Village, I will see bus lane after bus lane empty and irate drivers stuck in single file. From experience, irate drivers = irate stupid driving and that can end up with drivers swerving to peer down the road or sudden U-turns. Hmmmm. Not good for a two wheeler filtering through traffic.

So let's use those bus lanes, but let's not abuse the privilege. This is a trial period and we must show that this is a correct, safe strategy.

Oh, and let's not let our guard down as we know many car drivers don't use their left wing mirrors and definitely won't be aware of this change.

Safe riding all.