The knuckle dragging continues

Our 'neighbour' is so unbelievable. The children and the obligatory staffordshire bull terrier need to be rescued from the thugs that call themselves parents.

Mr KD (Knuckle Dragger), has just had a whole minute shouting fest at one of his many kids. "I didn't bring you up to be f***ing nasty ......." blah blah
"you p"""ed me off..... and made me f***ing shout. I don't like shouting....." You could've fooled me, considering you do it every day.

The KDs haven't worked out that the poor children are a result of being brought up in such a vitriolic environment and one day, will shout louder than their parents. One day, they might show their fangs to them as well and bite their big fat heads off.

I'm all for social inclusion, but these effing & blinding, always angry, blood sucking, knuckle draggers contribute nothing but poison to our community. They are a failing social experiment and I can only hope the poor children are saved before they are ruined.

Animals

I have a huge backlog of musings and observations of curio's and the queer, but no time to write any of it down. Putting virtual pen to virtual paper at the moment is a real treat, however I must get back to work pretty sharpish.

These subjects must be put on hold:-

• A quest for the ultimate custard tart. It's a sort of suburban version of the Quest for the Holy Grail but without knights, magic, swords, chivalry or a chalice.
• Woolwich Photographic Society and their impact on the Magnum Group
• My concept for a Plumsteadshire Modern Art Museum. You'll like the next bit - 'Tate Common'. I have an amazing concept design which will be revealed in due course.
• My concept for a Plumsteadshire Film Club. You'll like the next bit - 'Splice Island'.
• The best days out for children. All tried and tested by my team of experts.

Having spoken to some lovely listeners, it seems they really want to know more about my so-called neighbours known as The Shameless, the great unwashed, dole scum, soap dodgers, spongers, work-shy etcetera depending on how far they¹ are testing my patience.

This week, I've had to go and ask them to turn down their horrible boom boom music twice. Over the two years they've infested this area, I've probably knocked on their door over thirty times. I've been very close to putting an official complaint to the housing association, but I don't think it fair for them to be uprooted and moved into a faceless council estate where their children might just plummet into a chasm of no hope. Having said that, living here, they just stick out like a maggot ridden bubonic sore thumb. I know it's not exactly Hampstead Garden Suburb here, but they really are a Victorian freak show.

Actually, I have a question. Is there some modern day tribal code that dictates males of the chav genus must only wear underpants when at home²? Similarly, all windows must be kept wide open at all times? When I popped round yesterday, one mutant answered the door in his pants. Maybe it was quite warm? But I remembered whenever I popped round in deepest sub zero last Winter, they were 'dressed' as if they were holidaying in the Seychelles.

footnotes

1 - they, meaning the so-called neighbours, not my lovely listeners

2 - this is a genuine question that I need feedback on

Kill, kill, violence, yehhh, grunt

The people next door (I can't call them neighbours as there is nothing neighbourly about them), are indulging in a killing spree. From 7 o'clock last night until past midnight, the young children have been firing machine guns and exploding things on their games console. They can do as they please, but their windows are wide open¹ and all I've been hearing is the noise of death and destruction. Being a hot night, I had to close my windows and still heard it all loud and clear.

I'm fairly amazed the feral scrotes have woken up already as killing for 5 hours must be tiring. Before 10 o'clock this morning, I'm subjected to more of the same.

The Shameless family completely stick out like a sore thumb here. I'm all for integration and a mixed community, but they're not playing ball. What sickens me most is that our taxes are paying for them to continue to lounge around the house all day.

Playing Devil's Advocate, are they actually the smart ones? Why work for a living when you can stare at a TV all day long?

-

footnote

1- I've never understood why the Shameless keep windows wide open, even when it reached freezing point in Winter. BTW, they're not stuck open, as they have closed them once in a while.

Barking mad 1

I could just about tolerate noises of the boys next door running around the house past 11pm. Completely unacceptable really but I tell myself that at least it doesn't happen on a school night, just to make myself feel better. (God knows what it's going to be like in the school holidays).

I could just about tolerate God knows whatever music they're playing. Acceptable really, but I'd rather be able to rest in the garden without the awful racket.

I could just about tolerate the Staffs barking. Completely unacceptable as it would be for hours and hours on end, but they were in the house and thus I was afforded a little sound baffling.

Now the dogs are left out in the garden and bark all day long. Toddler Pangloss couldn't have his afternoon nap because of it. We couldn't leave our windows open because of it. This lasted from midday until 9pm. As far as I'm concerned it's not the dog's fault; they just want to be with people.

Having come home from work, I went round and spoke to one of the Staff neighbours who was very apologetic and said they'll see to it.... You know when you speak to someone, they reply but you can see in their eyes that there is no meaning behind their words. Well, we'll see if the dogs bark for another 9 hour stint tomorrow.

Bring me a shotgun.

Scourge of society

Before I mark my return with a review of my latest custard tart tasting, I really need some advice.

Not being a dog owner, I'd just like to know what the acceptable time limit is on leaving your beloved pet to bark. The knuckle-draggers who've moved in next door seem quite happy to leave their Staffs to bark for over 4hours. This evening the poor mutts have been barking away for at least 2hours, but as I only arrived back home two hours ago, it could've been all day. The dog must be hoarse by now.

I thought the neighbours must be out drinking White Lightning at The Ship, but the soap-dodgers are actually in, although choosing to ignore the dogs.

On the subject of the biggest mistake in the history of Plumstead Common AKA The Ship, given that this is a conservation area, are there no rules as to how many adverts you can put up on the building exterior? Cheap beer and satellite sports. Errr, yeh mate I fink I get der message. The Ship is so tasteless it makes me physically sick.

In some ways, this would be so much more preferable.

Been busy

My hands have been very full over the past couple of weeks and I've had so much to blog about too. Here are the subjects I'd like to have covered if I had the time:-

• parenthood - the gift that keeps on giving
• home births - it really is the best option
• comedy - because of the above, I'm gutted that I'm missing out
• snow - how Plumsteadshire looked like a happy version of a Bruegel
• ice - how to walk on it without looking like a total berk
• Elvis - he rocks in The Shire
• chavs - why keep all your house windows wide open when it's freezing cold outside (and 1,000 other things I don't understand about them)

When will chavs become extinct?

I'm feeling really sorry for myself. You see I've lived with some nice neighbours and we get along well.

Last weekend a whole gang of chavs moved into the house next door. I'll hold back on being judgemental and see how things pan out as under their track-suited exteriors, they may be gentle and kind hearted.

Four days on and I'm already losing patience. The children have been running around until 11.30pm, they've got televisions playing in most rooms and seem not to have off switches. Whilst in my garden, one little oik climbed onto a flat roof and shouted "Oi!" to/at me. Really nice. Of course, the obligatory dogs; they're kept in a cage upstairs and bark and whine for hours on end - I would feel a whole lot better if these children were bundled in with them.

I really did want to go round, say hello and welcome them to our little corner of The Shire, but I just don't see the point. Is there any point?

Already I'm dreading Summer as I envisage garden raves and loud music long into the early hours. Oh what joy, it'll be like living in a Mike Leigh film.

Having nice neighbours is so bleedin' under-rated.

Any advice gratefully received.